This post is going to be far from the usual, so if you aren’t one for touchy feely things, feel free to skip this one.
Today is the last day of May and marks the end of mental health awareness month. I used to share quite a bit about my life on this blog and that’s something I would like to return to at some point. The last year has been hard on all of us. 2020 didn’t serve up any easy wins, and certainly didn’t improve many people’s mental health. I’m writing this post as a tribute to the help that can be achieved through counseling and therapy.
Last year I ended my engagement and sold the house I had bought with someone I loved. To say that decision was difficult doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of the matter. In my 27 years on this earth, I have only ever broken up with one other person, and even that was out of anger. It took many sessions of counseling for me to realize that I wasn’t in a healthy place and needed to help myself escape. I don’t want to paint myself as the victim in any way, however; I only have my personal viewpoint to speak from.
Choosing to go to therapy was not something I ever thought I would do. I have been to many counselors in the past when my parents split, but never found a connection that I would say was beneficial. Finding my current counselor didn’t take nearly as much work as I thought it would, and I can’t have imagined a better fit. My counselor was able to break situations down to help me better understand what was going on and how I may have been manipulated. We also worked out a few things that I needed to improve in myself to help with future relationships.
It wasn’t until a few months in that we started EMDR therapy. Now if you go look this up, it’s going to looks like hypnotism, but I assure you it’s not all that scary. We actually use “tappers” or little vibrating hand pods that get the same result as the eye-movement that the therapy was based on. This unique approach has helped me to clear not only the trauma I experience in my most recent relationship, but others that I have had prior in my life.
My most recent example of how well this therapy works is a simple phone call I had with my ex. She has been in and out of chemical dependency treatment multiple times and suffers from alcoholism. I have tried to never hold this against her. She called me crying about her friend being abused and asked how she could help, with the urgency of her world crashing down around her. In the past this would have been my cue to swoop in and rescue her from any situation that my have presented itself, without thought of how it might affect me. (this has been my downfall in the past, and has cost me dearly). This encounter was far different. I was able to separate my emotion from what I was able to reasonably do. I offered advice but didn’t involve myself into the situation. I was able to confidently express my emotions without feeling guilty or self-conscious. My world didn’t have to crash down along with her. I was making progress. What used to involve an hours long conversation and a proverbial drive to save the day, became a 15 minute phone call and then I went disc golfing.
This may be a simple example that won’t seem to resonate with others who don’t know my history, but I have a tendency to put others way ahead of myself without question. I have trouble establishing boundaries and keeping them. This therapy is helping me to heal and become a better person, along with allowing me to see things from other’s perspectives and help to understand myself better.
Men are far less likely to seek mental health yet are the primary residents in inpatient care. This may be due to societal stigma that men need to be strong and never show emotion (other than anger), let alone talk about it. I would scream it from the rooftops if I could about how important it is to take stock of your feelings and how they are affecting your daily life. My life has been a beacon of success (in my world) as to what therapy can offer. I have been able to stop taking my anti-anxiety medication, I have lost 30 pounds, and feel better than I have in quite a long time! My relationships have deepened, and I feel that I am able to express myself in ways that I never imagined before. There is still work to be done, but taking the first step has been the best thing that I have ever chosen to do, I promise it’s easier than you may think…
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255
Violence Free Minnesota: 651-646-6177
Mental Health Crisis Hotline (Hennepin): 612-596-1223
National Chemical Dependency Hotline: 1-800-662-4357